Is it naive to think a long-time marriage can remain true to the marriage vows until the death of a spouse?

I had a fairy tale courtship and marriage for about 19 years. As I look around now, I quickly realize my husband has control of everything that concerns me. Since our early twenties we supported each other and worked hard in our family business we started together. We were absolutely very in love with each other, always there for one another and we were the people others called on to help with whatever--we gladly did it. Business, home, charity work, -whatever, we had each other's back and everyone knew it and admired us for it. Just recently after 29 years, I find that my husband's loyalties have shifted, and thus I realize that everything we've built, we've built together. I have no career of my own, though I do have a college degree. I haven't built friendships along the way because I was always working with him to accomplish whatever it was. I always thought "we would have time together to just enjoy one another soon." Soon, soon, soon -didn't come often enough. Now at the time when our lives have slowed down to a certain extent and we could really be into each other (I still keep myself very attractive) I'm finding that he's not truthful when it comes to some things. I've heard that every man lies a little, and that it's harmless because as human beings we all need our egos stroked a bit. I didn't think lies would enter into our marriage-we had something really extraordinary. But it has happened and I've considered moving out when he leasts expects it. His dishonestly cuts to a place in my heart that makes the thought of it unbearable for me. Although there hasn't been a sexual violation, (I can't imagine how people deal with that) there has been more than a couple little lies. In my mind (of course), I haven't been a nagging, inconsiderate, overbearing wife. I feel like he could just say to me what he's doing and that would be fine. But the half truth or the deliberate omission of a detail, really gets to me when I find out the whole truth. I asked him one time, if I spent my time doing whatever he sometimes spends his time doing, would it be okay with him? He said that he wasn't sure. Honestly, I really feel that after all this time, he's now throwing me away in a sense. I don't have access to money right now with the dip in the economy-everything is hard. The car I drive is old and barely making it. I went with my husband recently to pick out a new one--so he's in the process of working out that transaction. We live in a beautiful home and it's no doubt that he loves me. I question the being "in love" part. I feel one can't possibly be madly in love with a person telling little lies and being divided in their loyalty. I know this may sound like silly girl talk and perhaps I should just get over it because he's providing for me and has been all of these years-however, he knows that I value having close time with him- to me, having married my true love, "getting stuff" is not most important to me. If I married for money or if I didn't really love him when we married, maybe I could fake it and act like I was happy just to get "stuff." Perhaps I should, as they say, get a life--apart from the things we do together (and that has been everything). Perhaps I should find people to now talk to and relax with, but I know there is a danger in doing that. In the past several months, I would get upset with his new found independence from me, but now I've come to a place of calmness. Afterall, as I said I don't have resources at the moment. I realize I need some time to get resources before I can do anything. In the meantime, I don't want anger or bitterness to be the flavor of our home. How do I keep it together - remaining calm, going about things as usual, etc and most importantly, how do I continue to show tenderness, love, and have intimacy when I feel deep inside "un-cherished" and un-protected, and not honored--you know- those things that we said in the vows so long ago?